The Five Least Helpful Things You Can Say to a Tobacconist
There are a few phrases that sound harmless when you say them to a retailer.
They are not harmless.
They are the fastest way to confuse the person trying to help you, slow down the line, and have you walk out with something you didn’t actually want.
I’m sure there are more, but this is all I have at this late hour. In no particular order…
1. “Surprise me.”
Why it sounds harmless: Who doesn’t like surprises?
Why it is dangerous: Unlike the killer ending of the movie The Game, this one will most likely disappoint you.
What you are really saying is, “I have no idea what I like, and I’m going to make that your problem.”
A good tobacconist will try. They will ask a few questions. They will take a shot. But you have just removed all guardrails.
That usually ends one of two ways. You love it and think they are a genius. Or you hate it. There really isn’t a middle ground here.
Say this instead:
“I usually smoke [example]. I want something similar, maybe a little stronger or a little smoother.”
2. “What’s your strongest?”
Why it sounds harmless: You think you are asking for something bold.
Why it is dangerous: Strength is not flavor. Strength is not quality. Strength is not even what most people think it is.
This question usually comes from someone who wants to prove something.
The problem is, “strong” can mean nicotine, body, pepper, or, for some people, just a bad experience.
You are not asking for a better cigar. You are asking for a heavier one.
Say this instead:
“I want something full-flavored with a lot of body, but still balanced.”
3. “I want something cheap but still good.”
Why it sounds harmless: Everyone wants value.
Why it is dangerous: When you lead with “cheap,” you are telling the tobacconist where to start, not what you want.
There are good cigars at lower price points. There are great values. But now the goal becomes price first, experience second.
Also, “good” means nothing without context. Good compared to what?
Say this instead:
“I’m looking to stay around $8 to $10. What’s smoking well right now in that range?”
4. “Give me what you are smoking.”
Why it sounds harmless: It feels like a shortcut.
Why it is dangerous: You have no idea why they are smoking that cigar.
It could be good. It could be because the retailer can’t sell them and is just working through them to make shelf space.
You are borrowing someone else’s taste without knowing why they chose it.
Say this instead:
“I’ve been seeing a few people smoke that. What’s the profile like?”
5. “I only smoke Cubans.”
Why it sounds harmless: You think you are giving useful information and ‘positioning yourself as sophisticated.’
Why it is dangerous: So help me, if I pull this article over and… ok…I’m calm now. Here is the deal…No one cares.
Also, it tells the tobacconist almost nothing useful about what you actually enjoy.
Cuban cigars also vary a lot. It is like telling the bartender you want ‘wet’ drinks. It shuts down the conversation before it starts.
Say this instead:
“I like that earthy, slightly sweet profile you get from some Cuban cigars. Anything here hit that note?”
One Last Thing
A good tobacconist is not trying to just sell you a cigar. They are trying to match you with one you will come back for.
Give them something to work with, and you will get better cigars every time. Give them nothing, and you are both guessing.
…and guessing can be disappointing and expensive.
About the Author: Fred Rewey
